News Leak Centre

No Fear No Favour

NLC Satire: ATM’s queues, Bank queues, Jio queues and Kabali queues are just tactics to make Indians more active revealed official leaks!

2016 is the year we only remembered mostly for standing in queues. First, it was Rajnikant’s Kabali queues than comes the big Jio sim announcements, where lakhs or maybe more flocked their nearest sim centers to get free Jio Sim. Then comes the biggest bomb “Demonetisation’’, which results in continuous headlines on newspaper, continuous Chai Pe Charcha, and long-standing and never ending Bank/ATM queues.
Now as we edge closer to New-year, we finally had the answers to all these long standing queues. Some official leak documents revealed this all queues are actually for greater good for Indians. As we know, the biggest problem of Indians is they are too lazy to do things in life. So that’s why our PM made this whole activity to make Lazy Indians more active.

First, our PM tried to promote Yoga with Baba Ramdev but it turns out people did yoga for just a day to post it on social media sites than PM contacted none other than RajniKant for a job. Rajni sir did what he can do best by releasing his ‘Kabali’ movie, but much to a disappointment people stands in queues only for 3 days after this they lose their interest in the movie.

So PM later asked Mukesh Ambani to do something for it. Mr. Ambani thought that the only thing which will make Indians leave their houses is if they get something for free. ‘Jio’ sim idea did work but then the problem comes with the network and most of the users started complaining about their services.
Pm Modi after consulting with senior think tankers decided that the only way Indians became active and healthier is if they didn’t have the money to do something else. And, that is the reason behind Demonetisation, which makes Indians more active and healthier for the past 50 days.

During the past 7 weeks, we have heard several different reasons for demonetisation. From fighting corruption to removing black money, fighting terrorism, human trafficking, drugs trade to moving towards a cashless economy, several reasons have been given for Demonetisation move is only because PM didn’t want this move of ‘Making Indians Healthier Again’ stop.

On request of anonymity, sources close to PM Modi said to us that, When Modiji became the PM people told him that he can’t change the fundamental nature of Indians. You can’t make them love cleanliness, you can’t make them love girl child as much as a boy child, you can’t make them active not only on social sites but in real life. Since he always loved challenges, he decided that he must change all that. While work is ongoing for cleanliness and girl child, at least one challenge we have successfully conquered. He has shown the world that Indians can leave their houses and do work!

The source further said “For the past 50 days, nation supported him and stood in millions of lines. Every bank branch had a queue, every working ATM had a queue, every closed ATM also had a queue for some reason. Maybe people just loved standing in queues so much that they were queuing up everywhere, they don’t want to sit at home now. This was the main reason behind introducing demonetisation, jio sim, and Kabali movie and I must say, it has been a resounding success”.

Meanwhile, a cabinet meeting has been called later today where PM Modi will seek ideas that can ensure Indians keep queuing up at one place or the other.

(This article is a part of our daily dose of satire; readers are advised to not take it seriously)
BY: Saket Sharma

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *