When you first got together, sex might have been hot, heavy, and frequent. But after being married for a while? Probably not so much.
It’s a clichéd truth that sex tends to happen less often and become more vanilla the longer you’re together. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Meet 15 people who’ve been married for decades, yet still feel as excited about their time between the sheets as they did on their honeymoons.
Whether they’ve managed to always keep things fiery or have found their way back after a dry spell, here’s how they do it
1. ASK SEXY QUESTIONS
“I’ve been with my husband since we were 16. We are each other’s first for everything, and we’re still happily married. To spice things up, we often ask each other ‘sexy questions.’ We’ll ask each other how we feel about types of lingerie, whether we’d like to have sex outside the bedroom, etc. The list feels endless. Long relationships can easily get boring, but asking provocative questions keeps things fun.”
2. FIND THE FUN
“One of the keys to keeping our sex life alive is experimentation. When we introduced sex toys, it made a huge difference. It made sex fun again. We mix it up and push the boundaries of our comfort zones.”
3. BE FRIENDS ABOVE ALL ELSE.
“The secret to why my wife and I are still intimate: We still like each other and we’re still each other’s best friend. That gets us through the times when we don’t particularly feel like ‘loving’ each other. As my wife says, ‘Loving is a choice, not a feeling.’ Because of everything we have been through together, good times and bad, we know that we’ll always be there for each other. That bond that makes intimacy a special gift that we will only share with each other—and that is wildly exciting.”
4. REMEMBER THAT TINY GESTURES HAVE A BIG IMPACT.
“To keep our love alive, I leave clues or trinkets. One time I left casino chips that we collected on our honeymoon on our vanity, which hinted that we were going to Vegas for a weekend getaway. Meanwhile, my husband knows that I love butterflies; if I’m feeling down or stressed, he’ll catch one for me.‘’
“The fact that we’re always willing to change things up has kept our sex life spicy. From starting foreplay early in the day by hinting about what might happen later to introducing new toys, we’re willing to do what it takes to keep things exciting. And let’s not forget laughter. If you are laughing during sex, you’ll have no problem keeping the spark alive.
“I think the key to keeping sex alive is to remember why you fell in love in the first place. It’s easy to get caught up in the monotony of everyday life, and intimacy can take a backseat to work and life obligations. But if you remember what first attracted you to each other, it goes a long way toward keeping things spicy.”
“Our sex life is now much more intimate than it used to be. What got us there: Taking a ‘marriage appraisal’ that I originally developed for my clients. (I’m a life coach.) We asked each other to rate our level of satisfaction, talked about what we would like to do, and learned about what pleases the other person. The more you grow in your relationship, the more it becomes important to be in tune with your spouse’s needs and get creative with ways to fulfil their desires.”
“The most important intimate moments are those that happen outside of the bedroom. Reaching your arms around your partner’s waist and giving a squeeze when he or she is working away in the kitchen or around the house is very endearing. Holding hands while you are walking into a store or going out for a stroll together in the park is a bonding experience. There are countless ways to be intimate, and most of them aren’t sexual.”
“My husband and I make an effort to weave fun and excitement into our relationship, sometimes by going on overnights to hotels in neighbouring cities. We call these ‘sexcations.’ It’s really amazing to take a break from the stress of life and reconnect without any distractions.”
10. HEAT THINGS WAY UP.
“For a long time, my wife showed a lack of interest in sex. In order to regain her interest, I decided we needed to branch out. I researched some new techniques, and it’s made a huge difference. The combination things we’re now doing in bed have not only re-energized our sex lives, but it has led to her having multiple orgasms.”