In films and TV shows, the hottest sex is usually shown as the preserve of one night stands and friends finally revealing that they fancy each other after months of secretive stares and flirty chat.
Being in love with someone – as in, loving them after getting to know them, having a relationship that’s come from time and care and commitment instead of raw, animalistic desire – isn’t often portrayed as the perfect situation for, well, good loving.
And that’s a shame, really. Because while loved up sex is different from ‘we both find each other physically attractive and shall rub our genitals together now’ sex, it’s definitely not less hot.
Not to get mushy, or anything, but in a lot of ways, sex with someone you love is way better than sex with someone you just fancy.
Here are just a few ways sex with someone you love differs from casual stuff.
1. They know what you like
When you’ve had sex more than a few times, they tend to develop a real sense of the very specific things that get you off.
They’ll kiss your neck with exactly the right pressure, grab your bum, and do all the other things you always used to wish people would do without having to be directed to do so. It’s great.
2. And they know the stuff you don’t like, too
Unlike a casual hookup, someone you love will not waste time fumbling around with a technique that’s worked on other people but does nothing for you.
They’ve tried it, you loved them enough to say you hated it, and they won’t try it again.
3. They manage to keep it surprising
Even though you’ve been doing it for a while, it’s not predictable. They’re always coming up with new ways to make you feel good and discovering little parts to touch that you didn’t know would feel so incredible.
4. You can float ideas without feeling like they’re going to judge you
So you want some spanking, a finger up the bum, a session in which you pretend to be a stern archeologist while they’re the upstart thinking they’ve found a rare bone in the desert?
Whatever. They’re not going to back away slowly or call you a freak. They love you, and if they’re not into an idea they’ll gently turn it down.
If they are up for trying it, though, even better…
5. You actually find yourself caring more about their pleasure than your own
Getting them off gets you off.
6. But they won’t be offended if you’d rather just go to sleep immediately after coming
No awkward cuddling afterwards just because you feel like you should.
If you want to roll over and sleep, fine.
If you want to watch TV, that’s all good.
They’re even cool with getting you a cup of tea. And that may be the sexiest thing of all.