It’s not always a sign of a problem in the relationship.
Most of us go through a phase in our life where we are cheated on, So your first question was probably: why? Likewise, if you’ve been the one who’s stepped out on the relationship, your partner probably asked, or wondered, the same.
New research sheds light on the motivations behind cheating. Published in The Journal of Sex Research, researchers asked 495 young adults about their cheating past via an internet-based questionnaire.
For the most part, the responses confirmed that: People cheat because they’re dissatisfied with the relationships, feel neglected, are angry, or are attracted to someone else. But the questionnaire did reveal other reasons, too. Here’s what some people admitted:
“I had ‘fallen out of love with’ my…partner.”
“I was not very committed.”
“I wanted to enhance my popularity.”
“I wanted a greater variety of sexual partners.”
“I was drunk and not thinking clearly.”
Why does this matter? Well, it means that cheating is more than just about the love between a couple. It might be more about how the cheater is feeling about themselves or what type of not-so-good situation they got themselves into.
“It would be a mistake to conclude that all affairs and infidelity-related behaviours similarly result from deficits in the primary relationship,” the study authors write.
So what other factors make a difference? People who were less conscientious were more likely to cheat, as were people who had “insecure attachment.” Feeling insecure in a relationship is a recipe for unhappiness, and feeling less satisfied or committed pushes you to seek reassurance elsewhere. What’s more, people who avoid closeness are likely to step out for the sake of giving their self-esteem a boost.
The researchers also found that all the typical reasons you hear about why men and women are likely to cheat are true. Men are in it for the sexual desire. Women step out because they feel their needs haven’t been met in the relationship.
If you’ve been cheated on, you’re probably replaying what went wrong in your relationship over and over in your head. Talk to your partner. It’s the only way to understand if there’s a hole in the relationship worth repairing—or not. It’s a hard conversation, sure, but it’s one that needs to happen.
If you have any experience like the same then do share your feelings in the below comment section and mention what have you did after such a terrible experience.