If you’re lucky, you’ll never have to know what it’s like to be the victim of infidelity. Still, the statistics aren’t promising: About 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in their marriages. If you’ve been the victim of an affair, you know that it hits like a punch to the gut. The many emotions that follow feel like a hailstorm of pain. There are some predictable emotions, such as anger, panic, betrayal or a sense of loss. And depression has been so acute for some people that they have become suicidal.
My husband and I had a love marriage. We both were working and staying away from home. We got introduced, fell in love and then started living in together without the knowledge of our parents. We did live together for more than 3 years before finally tying the knot in front of our family and friends.
He was so understanding towards my work that I never felt like I was a married woman. Our friends were jealous of us. We were a perfect couple. He was not interested in any other girl, to flirt or to befriend. He was only mine.
Suddenly his behaviour changed during my pregnancy in the first trimester. My sixth sense could feel it. He used to be tensed and didn’t come close to me. Whenever I asked him what had happened and whether he was ready for a baby, he smiled and told me that it was because of my pregnancy that I was overthinking. I believed him.
Then when I was in my 6 month of pregnancy, I opened his Gmail for some reason. I noticed that he was using an online dating portal. I saw some of his messages with call girls whose services he had used. All this started when I was 3 months pregnant.
I lost my cool instantly, I shouted like a mad woman and confronted him. He didn’t acknowledge the same initially and said he had arranged the girls for his boss. I didn’t believe him. I called one of his colleagues who I trusted. He told me, he will get the CCTV footage of the hotel my husband had recently visited and would also call his boss. Then finally my husband accepted that it was him.
The most shameful thing he did was that he blamed the whole incident on me. I had a boyfriend in college who was also my sexual partner once upon a time. I didn’t tell him this previously but when I got pregnant, I told him the truth. He now said – he couldn’t digest the fact because he lost his virginity to me.
My husband told me, “I know it’s not your fault but I had to take some steps to reach a middle ground and that’s why I went to call girls to take revenge. Although I went there 2-3 times, I had sex only once. And I would’ve told you this after your delivery”.
I was shattered and hospitalised. I didn’t eat or sleep properly for so many days and stress was taking a toll on my health. I was completely fine but then suddenly this news had brought several complications to my health. Doctor advised me to take bed rest.
At the same time, when I thought about divorce, the face of my unborn child came in front of me. But one thing will haunt me for the rest of my life, that because of this child, my husband went away from me. Should I give him one more chance only for the sake of my child? At last, the choice is mine and I have to take the decision. I am an independent woman who can take care of myself and the child very well.
Somewhere in my mind, I guess I have decided to give him one last chance. You may say that I am a coward and I don’t have the courage to start a fresh. I am not denying that but I am not taking this step only for my child but also for myself. I love him truly and only I know that.
It hardly matters now whether he went to other women for pleasure or revenge, he had sex once or more than that, the fact is that he went there. May be those things will haunt me forever. Life will never be the same again, it’s only hope that’s keeping me in this relationship.