Italian Model vows to Give Blowjobs to 19 Million People

A 27-year-old Italian model named Paolo Saulino made a bit of a risky gamble: This Italian model promised everyone who voted “No” in Italy’s Brexit-like referendum a blowjob. Now, we don’t know anything about Italian politics, but it seems like Saulino predicted the majority of the electorate would vote “Yes,” and then the opposite thing happened, and Saulino suddenly found herself on the hook for having oral sex with 19 million people.  Everyone expected Saulino to back down from her pledge, but instead she has embraced it, bravely embarking on a multi-date Italian “Pompa Tour”—that’s “pump” in Italian—to service as many strangers as she can. “I am a woman of my word,” says Saulino.

But after only 400, she says her jaw is already sore

We’ll tell you how the tour has been going in just a second. But first, let’s crunch some numbers.

As you know, 19 million people is a lot of people. It’s almost an unfathomable amount of people. Let’s say Saulino sleeps 6 hours a day, which is less than ideal, but she just doesn’t have the time. That means she has 18 hours a day to give as many blowjobs as she can. That’s 1,080 minutes every day, all reserved for oral sex.

 

Now let’s say she dedicates 3 minutes to each blowjob. That means she can realistically service 360 people a day, or 2,520 a week, or 131,040 a year if she does nothing but give blowjobs and sleep every day. When you divide 19 million by 131,040, you get 144.993895. If our math is right, and it is, it will take 145 years for Saulino to give oral sex to everyone in Italy who voted “No.” Unless Saulino is a wizard who can split her soul across seven different Horcruxes to achieve immortality, a la Lord Voldemort, she will not meet her goal.

But she will sure as hell try. So far during the first leg of her oral sex tour, Saulino has given approximately 400 blowjobs, which isn’t nearly enough to keep pace, but an impressive feat all the same. She told The Daily Star that she is “tired” and “stressed” and that the most awkward moment of the tour so far was that, “One time a guy entered and pulled his underwear down, but he was not hard at all. He then started to cry, saying [to] me, ‘I am sorry I am too shy’.

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